Let It Be Me

Let it be me...
To let go.

To declare when it's over
To say it's enough.

To be the strong one.
To not feel a thing.

I can't remember life without you

I felt compelled to write this. One day I'm going to look back and wonder how this world ever existed without you. The reality of not having you yet with me will be such a faint memory. It will feel like galaxies away. I know everything will be different. I know I need to cherish these times. The truth is, life is so fleeting. I miss you, then and now.

I want to talk about the universe

Love is all around us. Most of the time it's recognizable but other times it's so unfamiliar, like passing  an stranger in the crowd. Sometimes it gives you a nauseating feeling of Deja vu. Then it's very presence and movement intoxicates us and draws us in. So close yet so far. Far from the heart and even further than the mind. At times it can blind us. It beams and radiates so profoundly we can't imagine looking away. There is an ease about this, like a long sigh after a rough day.  I can't help but to feel lost and at times very empty. A shell of a being that once had but lost and is most fearful of forgetting that she hasn't realized it's completely gone. Doubt sets in...will it be back to visit? Will this time be different? A rush of naivety becomes her and she fights the word "alone" because really she's just single. And you just remember to breathe.

Bring It

My last day as a 33 y/o was amazing. Very insightful. Someone at work said 34 is lucky. Both 3 and 4 make 7 and so does 1 and 6.

There are things I want to do and see. I don't want to wonder, I want to experience.

Don't panic

It's amazing just how fast a bond can be made...and broken. Friday I spent over 3hrs facetiming Mikey. Saturday we went out and I felt butterflies. Tonight I drive to his house to basically lay around and he plays on his phone. I didn't say anything and I'm not going to. I'm making the most of the situation and I do not have expectations. Perfect validation why it's not good to expect too much.

I'm discouraged but grateful and at peace knowing in H
he does exist and he's fine tuning himself for me.

I'm tired.

Settle for more

It's my birthday week and although work is hectic, I'm in high spirits.

I'm having one of those "I need to document this" moments. Lisa just texted me she saw Carlos at the gym. For the first time ever (I think) I actually didn't care. It felt good. Progress feels good. Knowing what I'm worth feels good. Knowing my true happily ever after is in the making. It sets my heart at ease knowing and feeling that the universe is looking out for me.

I am grateful and I know everything is falling into place. I'm ready, 34.

I know

...that I SHOULDN'T be sad.
That I have tons to be grateful for.
That my time will come
That it will feel right and just fall into place
That it will happen when I'm least expecting it.

I'm always expecting it.