....and then there was a text

Inhumane. Thats the first word that comes to mind when I think about Carlos leaving me high and dry without one apology. Not a text. Not an email. Not a letter nor a phone call. When I met him, he had been separated for four months. It's now been four months for us....how the hell did he even think about getting into a relationship with me after breaking up from a ten year relationship!?! How dare he fall in love with me. Shame on him.

I texted Kev the other day...no answer. All of his belongings are in a cabinet, in a room that I don't even sleep in. But I know its there. So I texted him today. He must still work at the bakery. He finally texted back thanking me for not tossing his shit and asking that I leave it outside for him to pick up tomorrow.

I want my answers, I texted him back saying that....no response. I have to let go once and for all.

I know I dreamt you...

Oh my blogness! So much to catch up on. I suppose I will spill about last Saturday's events. So, before class Nicole and I went to breakfast at Panera. It was cold and rainy and I was looking like I just had rolled outta bed...and I basically did. We finish breakfast and as I turn around to push in my chair, I see a woman sitting directly behind me in a booth all on her own making jewelry. My heart started to race. I felt a rush of anxiety hit me. This was the moment I had been expecting. I thought it was Maria.

I told Nicole who I thought it was, she asked me what I wanted to do. I can't live my life with those big "what-if" moments. It's just not in my character. I knew if I had left that place without approaching this woman I would regret it forever. So I told Nic that I had to approach her, she offered to stand there with me. I didn't know what I was going to say if it had been her, all  I knew was that if this mystery woman confirmed who I thought she was I was prepared to NOT go to class and sit with this woman and get some answers. I built up all the courage I could (this usually is not an issue for me since I rarely get embarrassed or intimidated) I approach the woman and politely apologize for interrupting her and I ask if her name is Maria. Well....it wasn't. The rush of blood to my head subsided and I thanked her and walked away. I wish I could say my hands were shaking because of the blustery weather, but alas, it was all nerves. It really shook me up.

Was this the universe preparing me for the day that I will run into him...or her....or them?

::sigh::

Single looks good on you!

....or so I've been told :) Tuesday night (November 9) I had my break up party. It would've marked our three year anniversary. I was in high spirits all day. I looked and felt great. I was surrounded by all my beautiful and strong girlfriends. I am so lucky. How could I be sad when I think about the awesome positive energy my friends provide for me. It was nice to be silly and make light of the situation. It was a great turnout and I brought some new friendships together.

Cheers Carlos!

Just breathe....

Everything will be alright, maybe not today, but eventually.