I know

...that I SHOULDN'T be sad.
That I have tons to be grateful for.
That my time will come
That it will feel right and just fall into place
That it will happen when I'm least expecting it.

I'm always expecting it.

Radiate Your Sacred Heart

Dave is back. He contacted me Sunday and I noticed the blocked message. I hate how attracted I am to him. He seems a lot better. Therapy and time.

He stayed over last night. He's still kind of a lost soul. I'm just going to breathe and embrace our time together.

I keep seeing these beautiful sayings so I have to document them.

Yours is my heart alone.

There is a light that never goes out

Tonight Frankie, boo, and myself went to Redondo to visit cousin ken. We took the 110 and of course we got on the freeway right by Rene's apartment. I saw the window illuminate. I texted and no response. I'm actually relieved.

It's always easier when we are out of something to realize just how toxic a situation is. Ugh.

There's something special in its simplicity

Tonight I found out Cynthia's dad has passed away. Alcohol.

He lived a full life. Married his true love and had two beautiful, successful daughters. He left this earth happy and proud. My heart breaks for the girls. Lately I've been messaging Tera and now I will be seeing her at the memorial get together. Crazy how life works like that.

I signed up for school again and I want to find a dance class.

We are powered by only one of two things: Fear and Love. I want to be fearless and overflowing with love. It's a slow process, but I'm getting out of my own way.

Nostalgia

Always reminds me of my mother and very early mornings.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hr0rDW5j1KUhttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hr0rDW5j1KU

Reminder

Keep an open mind

I didn't do half the shit I said I wanted to last year. Most were very simple too! Like learning how to play the harmonica or signing up for a cooking class. It's crazy to think that the only thing getting in my way is...me.

I don't know why I'm scared to just try something. I especially feel this way about working out. I signed up for the barre classes but never went. WHHHHY??!!?? Instead of beating myself up about it I decided that I'm going to just take a breath and keep an open mind. So I didn't do the class, it doesn't mean I won't ever do it. I'm tired of beating myself up about broken promises I've made to myself. I'm just going to keep positive and have faith that I will find that thing (or things) that I'm totally badass at and just go with it.

Believe

I should've went home last night after his apology. It was only 7pm and I could've met up with bestie who was only about five miles away. Instead, I accepted his apology and let him take me to dinner. I wasn't even hungry. I think I pitied him. He really didn't want me to go and the truth is we both were lonely.

I'm done with Rene. I can't even be his friend. He's in a shitty place and too much has been said and done. I'm not carrying this into my new year. I'm making peace with the situation and I'm moving forward. I don't regret allowing myself to be a part of his mess for as long as I did but I recognize just how toxic sticking around is for my own emotional health.

It's amazing just how much one person can affect us. Someone that doesn't really know you and doesn't really care to. Why does it hurt? Is there truth in what he says? Is it that him and I are similar in all the wrong ways? Or does he not know me enough to even pass judgement and the fact that he tries really angers and upsets me?


Someone sent me this quote this morning and it made me smile. So simple and so positive.

Happy New Year !!!

Take a leap of faith and begin this wondrous new year by believing. Believe in yourself. And believe that there is a loving Source - a Sower of Dreams - just waiting to be asked to help you make your dreams come true.

Let's see what 2016 has got.