There's something special in its simplicity

Tonight I found out Cynthia's dad has passed away. Alcohol.

He lived a full life. Married his true love and had two beautiful, successful daughters. He left this earth happy and proud. My heart breaks for the girls. Lately I've been messaging Tera and now I will be seeing her at the memorial get together. Crazy how life works like that.

I signed up for school again and I want to find a dance class.

We are powered by only one of two things: Fear and Love. I want to be fearless and overflowing with love. It's a slow process, but I'm getting out of my own way.

Nostalgia

Always reminds me of my mother and very early mornings.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hr0rDW5j1KUhttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hr0rDW5j1KU

Reminder

Keep an open mind

I didn't do half the shit I said I wanted to last year. Most were very simple too! Like learning how to play the harmonica or signing up for a cooking class. It's crazy to think that the only thing getting in my way is...me.

I don't know why I'm scared to just try something. I especially feel this way about working out. I signed up for the barre classes but never went. WHHHHY??!!?? Instead of beating myself up about it I decided that I'm going to just take a breath and keep an open mind. So I didn't do the class, it doesn't mean I won't ever do it. I'm tired of beating myself up about broken promises I've made to myself. I'm just going to keep positive and have faith that I will find that thing (or things) that I'm totally badass at and just go with it.

Believe

I should've went home last night after his apology. It was only 7pm and I could've met up with bestie who was only about five miles away. Instead, I accepted his apology and let him take me to dinner. I wasn't even hungry. I think I pitied him. He really didn't want me to go and the truth is we both were lonely.

I'm done with Rene. I can't even be his friend. He's in a shitty place and too much has been said and done. I'm not carrying this into my new year. I'm making peace with the situation and I'm moving forward. I don't regret allowing myself to be a part of his mess for as long as I did but I recognize just how toxic sticking around is for my own emotional health.

It's amazing just how much one person can affect us. Someone that doesn't really know you and doesn't really care to. Why does it hurt? Is there truth in what he says? Is it that him and I are similar in all the wrong ways? Or does he not know me enough to even pass judgement and the fact that he tries really angers and upsets me?


Someone sent me this quote this morning and it made me smile. So simple and so positive.

Happy New Year !!!

Take a leap of faith and begin this wondrous new year by believing. Believe in yourself. And believe that there is a loving Source - a Sower of Dreams - just waiting to be asked to help you make your dreams come true.

Let's see what 2016 has got.

Tarot

Inspire me.
Open up doors and let me in
Show me who you really are
See my ambitious heart
Accept my vulnerability and angst
Trust my instincts and play off yours
Indulge me.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=10153007754296768&set=a.115627971767.97510.778681767&type=1&theater

And just like that...

It was over.

Almost eight months. Lies and deceit. I should've listened to my heart. I knew it all along and still went for the ride. I'm just disappointed that it's yet another failed relationship. What the fuck am I doing?

I refuse to let this ruin my year. Shame on him and shame on me.