Here is the house where it all happend...

Dios mio...it just dawned on me that I've officially lived in my Arcadia apartment for a year now. It's amazing what can happen within 365 days. This time last year I was packing up my little life in Glendora and saying good bye to the family I had grown to love. I knew it wasn't goodbye forever. Carlos and I were taking the next major step in our relationship. The whole ordeal was exciting, but we were practically already living with one another. It was nice picking out this apartment. I'm extremely impatient, so after one week I was ready to give up. Carlos on the other hand, was the calm one. He knew we would find our perfect place. I remember the day we came into look at it and he was head over feet...the bowl of fruit tiles in the kitchen is what had me sold :)

Arcadia is a very serene city. I mean, who wouldn't love neighbors that mind their own business and roaming peacocks everyday!?! So much has happend here. Chapters began and ended as drama unfolded. Gatherings were had, sleepovers commenced, tears shed and endless amounts of laughter. Though the walls are still stark white. My little apartment has only a few splashes of personality, but I like it that way. I feel comfortable here, certain days sting but I'm not afraid to be alone here. The fact that it's now a year and I'm not on the hunt for a new place to call home is epic.

It's interesting to try and think ahead as to whether or not I'll still be here in a year, I mean that in all sense of the word.

Those three words said too much though not enough...

So that's it, it's official... we're in ♥! Yes, it's that simple. I would've never thought almost 7 months after my heart was practically ripped outta my chest would I be feeling this way for someone new. His timing was impeccable. It was yesterday morning and we were laying down. We started talking finances and debt. I got choked up recalling regretful moments (and unwanted debt- because of impulsive decisions) and me just being foolish. After making me smile through the tears, he told me he'd never hold it over my head, "you know why Robin? Because I love you." :)

Leaps and bounds

2/5/11 = six months.....and you know what, I didn't even realize this until yesterday. My ♥ couldn't feel any better. I emailed him, totally for selfish reasons. I needed to get it off my chest...the fact that I have began to forgive. He probably won't even read it, and to be honest, I could give a shit. That was purely for my peace of mind, because at the end of the day I'M what matters most!

I feel amazing. I'm mentally working myself up for this new school semester to start, if I keep this up I will be transferring sooner than later. Eek! My friendships have strengthened and I've embraced living alone more than ever. I really feel like I'm ok with myself.

I can't lie, Chris has something to do with it. He is wonderful...that's actually and understatement. My extensive vocabulary must be thrown off track because of my heart palpitations or something. Life is grand, this is good. It feels right and I am happy. I feel like I can exhale...just breathe ;)

....and then there was a text

Inhumane. Thats the first word that comes to mind when I think about Carlos leaving me high and dry without one apology. Not a text. Not an email. Not a letter nor a phone call. When I met him, he had been separated for four months. It's now been four months for us....how the hell did he even think about getting into a relationship with me after breaking up from a ten year relationship!?! How dare he fall in love with me. Shame on him.

I texted Kev the other day...no answer. All of his belongings are in a cabinet, in a room that I don't even sleep in. But I know its there. So I texted him today. He must still work at the bakery. He finally texted back thanking me for not tossing his shit and asking that I leave it outside for him to pick up tomorrow.

I want my answers, I texted him back saying that....no response. I have to let go once and for all.

I know I dreamt you...

Oh my blogness! So much to catch up on. I suppose I will spill about last Saturday's events. So, before class Nicole and I went to breakfast at Panera. It was cold and rainy and I was looking like I just had rolled outta bed...and I basically did. We finish breakfast and as I turn around to push in my chair, I see a woman sitting directly behind me in a booth all on her own making jewelry. My heart started to race. I felt a rush of anxiety hit me. This was the moment I had been expecting. I thought it was Maria.

I told Nicole who I thought it was, she asked me what I wanted to do. I can't live my life with those big "what-if" moments. It's just not in my character. I knew if I had left that place without approaching this woman I would regret it forever. So I told Nic that I had to approach her, she offered to stand there with me. I didn't know what I was going to say if it had been her, all  I knew was that if this mystery woman confirmed who I thought she was I was prepared to NOT go to class and sit with this woman and get some answers. I built up all the courage I could (this usually is not an issue for me since I rarely get embarrassed or intimidated) I approach the woman and politely apologize for interrupting her and I ask if her name is Maria. Well....it wasn't. The rush of blood to my head subsided and I thanked her and walked away. I wish I could say my hands were shaking because of the blustery weather, but alas, it was all nerves. It really shook me up.

Was this the universe preparing me for the day that I will run into him...or her....or them?

::sigh::

Single looks good on you!

....or so I've been told :) Tuesday night (November 9) I had my break up party. It would've marked our three year anniversary. I was in high spirits all day. I looked and felt great. I was surrounded by all my beautiful and strong girlfriends. I am so lucky. How could I be sad when I think about the awesome positive energy my friends provide for me. It was nice to be silly and make light of the situation. It was a great turnout and I brought some new friendships together.

Cheers Carlos!

Just breathe....

Everything will be alright, maybe not today, but eventually.