Only in my dreams....

Ay....I dreamt of Carlos last night. Even in my dream my heart hurt. It's weird, its like my subconscious even knew it had been a long time not seeing him. We were at some house having a get together, and then he showed up. He shaved off his mustache. That was his trademark. In my mind, I felt like he had done it to start anew. Then she showed up...its weird. I've never seen her in person, but I knew it was her. Him and I kind of went off on our own and I started to cry telling him I missed him and that he had made such a big mistake. We kissed and it felt so real. In my waking life, I had forgotten what it felt like to be kissed by him and this dream totally opened that warm feeling inside my heart all over again. Alas, it was only a dream. That will never be my reality. I'm ok with that, my ♥ will have to be as well.

Reunions...

It's after 2am, I just got back from a little reunion of sorts. I swear, I love FB. I got to see Royal Oaks kids, Northview kids and Duarte High folks. It was actually a pretty good turn out. It's crazy to see old familiar faces and here stories about what curve balls life has thrown at them. Old friends like these are like comfort food for my soul. They keep me grounded and are a constant reminder of where I came from and why I am who I am today. :)

On a side note, I'm totally having a foot-in-mouth moment. I regret being so open and honest with him, I feel like it was too much too soon. I apologized and he texted me "I accept your apology" and "don't trip" hmm....I'm having a Swingers moment. I'm overanalyzing the situation. Leave it alone already Robin!

Head Over Feet...

Oh.Emm.Gee....

Breathe Robin! Umm wow, he is amazing. In every which way. I know I've already said too much, but I couldn't help it! I love the way he looks into my eyes, his gorgeous smile, and I adore that protected feeling when his arms are wrapped around me. I wasn't expecting some thing like this to happen so soon. If anything I feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty.

Carlos left me, August 5, 2010 to be exact. But you know what, he obviously let go of me and what we had long before that. Is there an "x" amount of time that I'm supposed to be sitting around and waiting for? I'm not over how everything went down. In all honesty though, I cannot continue to hold on and a yearn for someone that really just doesn't want me back. Why would I even want someone so toxic in my life? What we had went out the window that nite when I walked outside and uncovered the truth. I could never hate Carlos, he was (is?) a good man. He was wonderful to me. Something changed along the way though, and it was mentally way beyond anything that him and I had going on. I pity him. I know he doesn't have the support system like I do.

So, as hard as it's going to be, I have to take this next one with a grain of salt. Affirmation is always so sweet. It's nice to hear just how beautiful and wonderful you are. Time will tell.

Online dating: Is it still taboo?

You know, as many eharmony and match.com commercials as I see, I STILL cannot see online dating as completely socially acceptable. I know...I'm a hypocrite. But, this isn't about me per se, this is about internet dating as a whole. I feel like it still has this stigma. What are your thoughts?

Love is a losing game...

Amy Winehouse sang it best. Today is two months. Of course it has to be really gloomy and cold out. I'm having an emo moment, I know i'll be over it in no time. It's just so crazy thinking about what transpired two months ago. Even when I tell the story its hard to believe I was one of main characters. This was never supposed to happen to me. We weren't that couple. He wasn't that type of guy. He really fooled me. Lesson learned.

I can look at pictures and it not bother me so much, I think because it feels so long ago. But music....heh, music is something else. The soundtrack of our love was priceless.

Just sayin'....