Sam the Ranch Hand

There he is, in all his glory. Sam hitch hiked to Idaho after his father passed away. His mom took off with some piece of shit actor. Sam found a home at the Hamilton ranch. This was where he was supposed to be, and he knew it. :)

I love Finding Sky. Well, I loved it up to the part where Sky goes back to LA. When I saw this film for the first time, I fell in love with it. It's very coming of age. Sky's part was very believable. The best part was my beloved Sam De La Cruz. ♥le sigh♥

Frankie texted me today telling me that the break up with Johnny has been tough and was wondering how I was doing with Sergio being gone. So far, so good. He asked how I deal with the distance and what I do to keep my spirits high. I told him I think about Sergio all day. I look at pictures, I watch his YouTube videos and the goodbye video I took on my phone. I call and text him everyday telling him how much I care and how my day is going. I just stay positive.

I have the movie on right now, I think I'm kind of obsessed, but in a good non crazy way. My heart aches just thinking about him. I remember the day he wore the infamous plaid shirt. I was sitting in the living room and he walked into the room wearing the hat and buttoning up the shirt and he said "ahhh..I think I'll just wear this today." I squealed. Literally.

Just typing and hearing his voice on the TV is getting me choked up. Today is the first day I'm feeling really sad. I told Jackie that try to protect my heart by not opening up completely about my feelings for him when I talk to other people. I guess that's where my "wall" shows. I mean, no one wants to get hurt. Maybe I subconsciously feel like if I don't "spill the beans" about how I truly feel for him, then it won't hurt as bad if things didn't work out with the both of us.

I want to let go and just embrace it. It's getting easier as the days go by. Tonight at pho, everyone was so supportive. They were telling me go with him in the name of love and everything else would just fall into place. It always does. Am I really gutsy enough to leave everything and everyone I know for that? To quit my job and lose my financial independence? In order to live on base I would have to marry him. We both want a wedding though. I am torn. I'm also getting ahead of myself. I suppose we can just revisit this in February of next year.

He's so handsome. I'm falling hard and fast. I want him. I need him. He feels like the one. I can imagine him being the father of my children. It's exciting and scary!

Pinche mosquito!