Guarded Heart

Sometimes it's easier to live the lie.

It's starting to feel very crisp out. As I was leaving school last night I thought about the upcoming holidays. I felt excited (and chilly.) I even slept with socks on, which I never do. There has been change in my heart and now I'm seeing my surroundings change. I love change. Change is good.

Today was my interview for Medical Only examiner. I know I did well. I went in with a peaceful mind and I put my best foot forward. It's now out of my hands. Whether or not I get the position is irrelevant. I put myself out there and I did well. I am finally starting to feel peace within my heart. I see or hear certain things, and it doesn't sting as much, if at all.

So much ahead of me, so much behind. Thank God for every success, for every failure, for every relationship and for every change.

Never Compare, Never Compete

Sissy and I had a slumber party last night and we made sure to pass our little red house. Yesterday's message was: never compare, never compete.

Sheesh.

Seriously, whomever is writing these is ALWAYS on point! This immediately made me think of both Carlos and Chris. More Carlos I guess. I say that because with Carlos I always felt like I was competing with the ghost of Maria and inevitably I felt like I was comparing with both of my beloveds exes. This isn't their fault though, this was all me. Luckily, by the time I was with Chris I didn't have the same mindset as I did with Carlos. Either way, I love little quotes that are really applicable to my life. Makes me feel as if that message was somehow supposed to be relayed to me at that exact moment.

I'm sending an anonymous Christmas card to that house during the holidays...and possibly a pound of See's choco's ♥

Interpol - Untitled

Surprise, sometimes, will come around
Surprise, sometimes, will come around
I will surprise you sometime.
I'll come around
Oh, I will surprise you sometime.
I'll come around when you're down...

Isn't It Ironic?

Funny how we feel like we want something so bad, and when we get it in a different form it kind of loses its luster. I feel like that today. I really have nothing to gripe about, I put myself in certain situations so I can't complain about the outcome of things. I'm not moving backwards, I am not going to become a broken record. I just need to stop.

Someone Hurt You Too...

I know your heart hurts too and I know at times you don't know how to deal with it. You were on my mind a lot yesterday. It was nice meeting with a mutual friend and remembering what a wonderful person you are. I can't beat myself up about us. My love and energy have been sent to you full force. I am sorry that you get stuck in your head sometimes and you don't know how or to whom you can vent to. I am here. I've never gone away. I wish you love, and I wish I could make it all better.

Embrace Change

On the way to work this morning, I was thinking about how my co worker read my cards about a month ago. I took it with a grain of salt. I tend to be gullible at times and I didn't want to look too far into it. I don't believe in coincidence, so it's weird that her "predictions" are coming true. Maybe I'm just attempting to make a comparison to events that have taken place within the past month. Hmm, I dunno.

I have been thinking that I want to buy one of those diaries that you can write in for like 5 years. The one where you only write like 5 words a day and they basically sum up what took place. Then again, I always have more than that to say, so maybe that wouldn't work for me.

Last night I went to Bestest house and she told me all about her Spain trip. I'm inspired. The art and architecture she spoke of ignited a desire and need to travel. Next year I turn 30, no more 20's!!! There's so much I want to do. There is so much I need to do. I've decided Bestest, sissy and I are going to San Francisco for our birthday. Oh, and my sis and I are going to Hawaii, no excuses. There's so much world out there!! I left Bestest's house and had coffee with Licet and just hear the struggles she has been through really made me count my blessings. I am so lucky to have the people and experiences I have had in my life. On the way home I spoke to Memo and listening to his story pumped me up even more so. I have these strong, inspirational people in my life. I am a believer that you are a reflection of who you surround yourself with. This must mean that since I've been so inspired, I must be giving that off. To me, that is the greatest feeling because that's one of my biggest life aspirations.

So, I embrace change. Roll with the punches. Take things in stride. I am thankful for every sunrise and every sunset. For ever friend, family member, hug, kiss and smile. I am thankful for the not so good days because I know that its just for now and it will pass. I have a good life, and it's only going to get better.

Only in my dreams.

Weird, the past two nights I've gotten horrible sleep. Actually, the past two weeks it has been like that. All of a sudden, I'm an insomniac. I feel like the creature from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Before I go off on a tangent, the reason I mention my restless nights is because the theme from the last two nights dreams have been along the same lines and equally as creepy.

I dreamt that I meet a guy and then we end up at his house and he basically forces himself on me. Almost like him and I were on a date and things just ended up at the guys house and then he takes advantage of the situation. In the end, I always end up escaping unscathed, but I'm having to sneak away and I wake up feeling very anxious and uneasy. I hate dreams like this, mainly because I tend to have deja vu frequently. I hope these two nightmares don't come true.

Wait.

This WILL NOT happen to me. I will get better sleep and pleasant dreams from this point on. :)