Interpol - Untitled

Surprise, sometimes, will come around
Surprise, sometimes, will come around
I will surprise you sometime.
I'll come around
Oh, I will surprise you sometime.
I'll come around when you're down...

Isn't It Ironic?

Funny how we feel like we want something so bad, and when we get it in a different form it kind of loses its luster. I feel like that today. I really have nothing to gripe about, I put myself in certain situations so I can't complain about the outcome of things. I'm not moving backwards, I am not going to become a broken record. I just need to stop.

Someone Hurt You Too...

I know your heart hurts too and I know at times you don't know how to deal with it. You were on my mind a lot yesterday. It was nice meeting with a mutual friend and remembering what a wonderful person you are. I can't beat myself up about us. My love and energy have been sent to you full force. I am sorry that you get stuck in your head sometimes and you don't know how or to whom you can vent to. I am here. I've never gone away. I wish you love, and I wish I could make it all better.

Embrace Change

On the way to work this morning, I was thinking about how my co worker read my cards about a month ago. I took it with a grain of salt. I tend to be gullible at times and I didn't want to look too far into it. I don't believe in coincidence, so it's weird that her "predictions" are coming true. Maybe I'm just attempting to make a comparison to events that have taken place within the past month. Hmm, I dunno.

I have been thinking that I want to buy one of those diaries that you can write in for like 5 years. The one where you only write like 5 words a day and they basically sum up what took place. Then again, I always have more than that to say, so maybe that wouldn't work for me.

Last night I went to Bestest house and she told me all about her Spain trip. I'm inspired. The art and architecture she spoke of ignited a desire and need to travel. Next year I turn 30, no more 20's!!! There's so much I want to do. There is so much I need to do. I've decided Bestest, sissy and I are going to San Francisco for our birthday. Oh, and my sis and I are going to Hawaii, no excuses. There's so much world out there!! I left Bestest's house and had coffee with Licet and just hear the struggles she has been through really made me count my blessings. I am so lucky to have the people and experiences I have had in my life. On the way home I spoke to Memo and listening to his story pumped me up even more so. I have these strong, inspirational people in my life. I am a believer that you are a reflection of who you surround yourself with. This must mean that since I've been so inspired, I must be giving that off. To me, that is the greatest feeling because that's one of my biggest life aspirations.

So, I embrace change. Roll with the punches. Take things in stride. I am thankful for every sunrise and every sunset. For ever friend, family member, hug, kiss and smile. I am thankful for the not so good days because I know that its just for now and it will pass. I have a good life, and it's only going to get better.

Only in my dreams.

Weird, the past two nights I've gotten horrible sleep. Actually, the past two weeks it has been like that. All of a sudden, I'm an insomniac. I feel like the creature from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Before I go off on a tangent, the reason I mention my restless nights is because the theme from the last two nights dreams have been along the same lines and equally as creepy.

I dreamt that I meet a guy and then we end up at his house and he basically forces himself on me. Almost like him and I were on a date and things just ended up at the guys house and then he takes advantage of the situation. In the end, I always end up escaping unscathed, but I'm having to sneak away and I wake up feeling very anxious and uneasy. I hate dreams like this, mainly because I tend to have deja vu frequently. I hope these two nightmares don't come true.

Wait.

This WILL NOT happen to me. I will get better sleep and pleasant dreams from this point on. :)

Open letter to the little red house...

I've made it a point to drive down that particular portion of Colorado at least once a week just because my sister and I are so intrigued as to what the weeks posted message in the window will be.

I must tell you, you are such a beautiful little house. You are perfectly located on the corner of a shaded, quiet street. Your lawn is always perfectly manicured, and it appears as if your occupants are never home.

It's amazing how three or four little words can leave such different yet powerful thought provoking feelings amongst all passersby. Your weekly messages give me something to look forward to each week when I intentionally drive by (which, is actually out of my way.) Ironically, your messages are living proof that literally taking the road less traveled will lead you to unexpected things.

So, please don't ever stop posting your messages in the window. You give me hope and fill my heart and mind with delight!

Forgive quickly

You should forgive quickly for your own peace of mind. I mean, who likes to be stressed? I sure as hell don't. This has been a difficult task for me, but I know I am capable of doing it. Last night was horribly hilarious. Really, probably the worst experience I've ever encountered...ever.

Today marks the 10 year anniversary of 9/11. I remember being 19 years old, working as a file clerk at Cambridge. That feels so long ago! The reason I bring this up is because waking up today, able bodied and open minded, I realized that last night doesn't even matter anymore. Yesterday is in the past, and frankly I have no time to dwell. Life goes on with or without me. I don't want to left behind, so I keep moving forward. I chalk that crazy night up as a lesson learned and I laugh it off. I looked hot as hell though! haha

I am thankful for wonderful friends and I can never tell them this enough. I am extremely blessed and I'm glad my experiences have brought smiles to my loved ones faces. Dude, you can't buy this shit, only I have this kind of luck! :)

Someone like you :)

Last night...

♥ new memories at our first date spot ♥ wine ♥ pizza ♥ Al's ♥The Cave ♥ Adele at the top of our lungs ♥ compliments ♥ sisterhood ♥ Arab accents ♥ The York ♥ Johnny's ♥ eternal friendship ♥

I love thee, Jacqueline Khella.

Why am I even surprised?!?

Honestly, people never cease to amaze me. I'm not to sure if you're aware of this or not, but apparently having a penis gives you the freedom to use the "liar liar, pants on fire" card whenever you choose.

My stomach is literally turning.

Some people have real problems...

I'm in transition, I can feel it.

Recently a friend of mine told me that any relationship that makes you feel confused means that it's not the right relationship to be in. When you meet someone and you feel peaceful than that's the person you are supposed to be with. Sometimes we want to make someone fit our "mold" that we have mentally made. The perfect height, the most breath taking smile or even the most manly arms. What does all that mean anyway though? Looks fade, love shouldn't. I feel like this little black rain cloud when it comes to my blogs lately. In my daily face to face reactions I don't project any of this. At least, I don't think I do. I'm not miserable, just letting my tender heart heal.

I have felt that out of this world spark before...twice actually. I always thought it existed, and then I felt it...twice. The first time was November 2007, the second was December 2010. The fact that I've felt this not once but twice, I know it will inevitably happen to me thrice. It has to, because I can't and won't settle for any less feeling. My patience is being tested. I may be single but I'm definitely not alone. In the mean time, I love Robin.

Don't forget to breathe.

11:11, I still wish for you.

Adele - Take it all (+lyrics)

I basically raped the YouTube replay button. Read the lyrics.

Lovesick mistake

It has to end to begin.

Mad World

That Tears for Fears cover by Gary Jules is playing on my Pandora station. It reminds me of Donnie Darko, which in turn reminds me of the last time I saw it, which was at Beaw's house. He set up the laptop for me on his comfy bed and I watched while he worked out. It's funny when something reminds us on one thing and then it starts a string of memories. Remembering all this ultimately reminds me of whenever he used to tell me he loved me. He was silly like 90% of the time, but the 10% when he was serious was just as nice. I remember one of the last times we had gone to the Bottle Room and we were sitting at the bar and I was yapping away and he was just looking at me. When I was done talking I looked over at him and he looked me directly in my eyes and told me he loved me. That moment is probably my favorite moment of us together, well, after the first time he told me he loved me. He was so sweet to me. We had such big differences, but as I told him many times, when we initially met it was fireworks. We talked so long that night. That was the best first kiss I've ever had in my life. That moment felt like perfection.

It stings my heart to think back at those things, but at the same time it strengthens my hopeful heart. I now know that feeling is possible. It's happened.

I'm glad today is Friday, I have so much on my mind. It's going to be nice to see my Erika love and my sissy at one of my favorite bars, The Edison. Once again, I'm flooded with memories. Bittersweet ones. Time to make new ones.