Let's Fly A Kite...

This song makes me want to be in love.

Everyone's Got To Eat

I can't help myself. Maybe I should take the advice of many of my friends and start a blog or calendar of all my Internet escapades. I have tons of stories. It's kind of disturbing. Well, we have Elisha Peter Joelle Espinoza. ::sigh::

Now, POF has brought me many a bad fish, but not this time. Our first date was randomly made on April Fools Day. I picked him up and we headed out to the Verdugo bar in Highland Park. Immediately we chatted it up like we've known one another for years. It just flowed. We clicked. He is so handsome and so intriguing! I can see the wall. I felt the wall. He's very engaging. We ended up going back to his place and listening to his AMAZING music collection. Hands down, NEVER EVER have I met a man that has all the music I have and love. Stuff I hadn't even heard of!!! We ended up smoking and having the greatest make out shesh...and... yeah.

I spent the night and stayed until I had to go to school. Today is his birthday, the big 36. There's something about his eyes. It was just such a good night. We made lists of our flaws and best of. It was great. I took him to lunch today at Don Cuco's. He's really not feeling his bday, but I'm such a fan of them!! So, I took him to Dots and bought him some cupcakes :) We went back to his place and snacked and cuddled. How do I slow down!!??

I don't want to.
And I don't care.
Feet first. ♥

Promise Honest

I haven't forgotten about you blog. I have a lot to post about...bdays, boys, moving, school, unemployment. Let's play catch up this week, yes? :)

This Is Only Right Now

This is the second song that came to mind last night. I love the lyrics. Basically, they break up and she sings about they know the reason why they broke up. I love her voice. I'm also just being as positive as I can be. Next week Jackie and I are going to see her perform at the Hotel Cafe. I'm excited, she's excited. It will be a good night. ♥

....and on the 571st day, she ran into him....

Seriously, this day shall forever be remembered. I have the weirdest luck. I don't even know if luck is the correct word. I feel like I have strong intuition. The universe does give us signs and tell us stuff. Clearly, my time is up in Arcadia.

I've been nostalgic with the passing of Carlos bday and the whole idea of moving. Last week I was on edge and this week my mind is everywhere. I have to by out of my apartment by Thursday, and  my last day of work is on Friday. It's my second week of school and Sunday is my 30th birthday. I am all up in my head, but I can't cry. I'm sure one day I'll get around to doing it, but I can't pencil it in these last few days of February.

Yesterday Jackie and I were in the car and she was applauding me on how far I've come emotionally. I told her I know everything has its time and place in this world and I acknowledged the fact that up until this point, I hadn't run into Carlos for a reason. Be it emotionally I was or wasn't ready, or what have you. Today I got myself out of bed and dragged myself into work. Around 9am I get a text from Deondra asking me if Maria had a daughter or a son. I reply that it was a girl who is now in college. I then ask her why she's curious to know. Apparently Neal ran into Carlos at Smart and Final on Sunday...with a blond and a baby boy...that Carlos introduced as his son.

His son.

His SON.

I was shocked. My heart pounding hard and I literally couldn't catch my breath. All I could do was let out a big "WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAT!!" at my cubby. Neal thinks he was just playing the part and that the kid's probably was just the girls. Per my calculations, if this child was his, he got her pregnant shortly after we called it quits. AND if it ISN'T his kid, he's fucking in love because the kid was a baby and he must have met this girl right after she gave birth, he got attached to her and the kid and now their all a family. Either scenario is crazy. I wanted to run to the bathroom and cry, but I couldn't and I didn't. His life no longer serves any purpose to me. I attempted to go on with my day, but of course it was on the back on my mind.

So, I go home, pick up my books and rush to school. The teacher lets us out at 7pm and I'm in a good mood and as over it as I'm going to be. I decide I'm going to be healthy and go to Trader Joes for a salad and some weekly snacks. I decide to call Jackie while I'm in the store, my hands are full and I'm crouched down trying to grab the perfect container of banana choco chip muffins. I stand up, turn around and I see what I've been waiting to see for over a year and a half.

Carlos. Ray. Hale.

I dunno if he saw me, but I sure as hell saw him. It was undeniably him. I know a female was with him, but everything fuzzed out. I immediately started to shake and I scampered to hide in another aisle. I was basically hyperventilating. All I can say to Jackie is "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGG" and I tell her I need out of that store. I looked like shit. I felt like shit. I was talking ABOUT HIM when I was on the phone with her when I saw him! What if he heard! I set my food down and practically ran out of the store. I'm shaking and I get into my car and just take off.

I can't cry, I don't even want to. It's just unbelievable that this is my life. I've waited for that moment for so long. I did the right thing by just leaving. In a sense, its like a sigh of relief. I knew that first encounter was bound to happen, I just didn't know when or how. I surely didn't think I was going to get this Carlos double whammy. But like everything else in life, it had to happen this way.

"Pictures of You" by The Cure was playing in the store. le sigh.

Kettle Corn

Monday off, thanks Mr. President(s)

Attempted to "clean" the apartment. Opted for 100 calorie kettle corn and diet cherry 7up.

and...

Marley & Me :)

Yeah, he went there.

Yesterday was Valentine's and it actually was a good day. Dinner and drinks with my Boo's. I wanted to have the glory of officially ending it with David so I text him that I wished him well and that I will cut my losses with the sweater and movie I had left behind. Five hours later he text me back asking if he "missed something." Hmm...yea, your chance with me. I basically told him that I want someone in my life that is ready and willing to participate in getting to know one another and not someone that's going to disappear on the weekends. He proceeded to send me a picture of him paint covered hands expressing how hard he's been working with the hotel renovations. Cry me a river. Then, the texts stopped. This evening I get a text from him asking if he could call me. So he did and we spoke for about 20 minutes. We rehashed my passive aggressive text messages and talked about him using his busy work schedule as a crutch. He felt the need to tell me that even though he's been getting messages and winks online that maybe I was onto something when I told him he may just not be ready for anything. He then told me he is seriously thinking about moving back up to San Francisco. It took a lot for me to not laugh or literally call bullshit on his ass. Wow. That's a 34 year old man folks. Oh, I guess this is the part that I should be thankful that he even attempted to get a hold of me. Hmm....as far as I'm concerned, I was done yesterday. But you see, I'm too damn nice.

On a side note, I stumbled across Joanna Newsom on Youtube. I've heard of her before. She plays the harp! Her voice is very ethereal. Very Kate Bush meets Feist.

I'm no good at this.