Nothing lasts forever...

Apparently, I decided it was throw back Thursday and decided to do some online stalking of exes, people I completely fucked things up with and so forth. Why? Yeah, I dunno either. I'm telling you, I'm pretty sure I have some hormonal imbalance. It never fails, the week/week and a half before I start my period I go bananas. I don't want to go on birth control though. In March I will be 31. Lots of random feelings and thoughts have been going through my brain. I think when the new year starts I want to make it a point to write down a couple of my thoughts of the day. I did that once in high school and for about two years after high school. I would write on my little calendar what I did. It was fun, and depressing, to look back.

I was thinking about this year and I have to say it has been the best thus far. I went to lots of concerts, fell in love, learned how to be alone, distanced from those who aren't serving a purpose in my life, and kicked my best friendship into high gear. I let go on my apartment, I moved in with sissy, I lost my job, got offered a new one. I've been on so many flights, I gained confidence. I got more real with  myself, and everyone else as well. I've worked on my patience, and I've begun to let go. I've given lots of advice, shopped, and donated a ton.

I have to upload some pictures.

Sweet November

I've been so busy having fun and being in love that I haven't made time to blog. Man, so much has happened! First, October flew by. I felt as if I was waiting and agonizing over the distance between Sergio and myself. But before I even realized it, it was time for my trip! It was beautiful. I'm never going to forget that moment I first saw him. His face was chiseled and he looked so stern and confident in his uniform. He was literally about 100 ft away from the stands. We were aligned perfectly, literally and metaphorically. I was wearing this awesome Lauren Conrad deep blue lace back dress. My hair was blaring red with matching lips. I stuck out like a beautiful sore thumb. You know what felt the most special that day? Holding his hand. Sure, I wanted to jump in the sack with him but to just be around him and have him hold my hand meant the world to me!! Ugh. I can't get over it. We got to relax and talk. We took pictures and ate and just loved one another. We talked about marriage (eloping specifically!) and babies, where we wanna live and where he possibly could be stationed. Things are happening. It's happening fast. I feel like I'm going into it blindly, but I know I'm a strong person and I WILL succeed. I think the main thing that is on the forefront of my mind is finances. Right now, it makes no sense for me to leave my job that I'm just getting comfortable at and move somewhere that I am unfamiliar with and have no job. Him and I have talked and he's given me all his passwords and he has been open about his debt. I'm not trying to control. This is to get things in order. If anything, he can walk away and know I was one of the best things that ever happened to him. It's in my nature to be a healer, a giver, a provider. I always want to make things better. And I intend to.

Things have gotten easier in the sense that we are able to speak everyday on the phone. He is miserable and regrets this decision. It's hard for me to hear since I feel SO confident about what we have developed into. But every thing happens for a reason. This will help him no matter what. By the time he finishes AIT he will have a year under his belt. That means only three more. He can do this. We can do this. We have to be each others rock. I just want things to be ok. No wait, I want them to be more than just ok. That's what kills me. At this point, all I can do is listen and write. For now, that has to be enough.

I made a decision to make the trip out there for Thanksgiving. At first I was hesitant because it was $855 just for the flight. But you know what, I spend money all the time and rarely can remember what I use the money for. I technically had this money, and I'll never regret or forget what I used it for. This is important. He is now my family. Thanksgiving is about being grateful and surrounding yourself with those that you love most. He needs me and I need him and this is the right thing to do. My bills will be paid, maybe not at the rate that I had been planning, but they will be paid nonetheless.

I am abundant.

the morning of 11/9/12 ♥

October

Sheesh a roo! This month has flown by! Jammed packed with tons o' fun stuff. Lots of girlfriend time and looking forward to boyfriend time. I feel like I've been tested a LOT lately. Random run ins with high school crushes, hanging with friends that I haven't hung out with in a long time, and exes/flings that just won't go away.

But most of all....next week I get to see my honeypot ♥

Last month seemed agonizing. It's like it hit October and the days haven't stopped flying by! I'm not complaining, I'm glad it's going fast. Lots of introspection. My emotions are everywhere. I'm excited, nervous, scared. I just want to see him and just feel like we have fallen in love all over again. It's going to be nice to not be at work. I'm getting used to it there, but that really isn't saying much. I'm busting my tail to get ahead so I don't have to worry about my desk when I'm gone all next week. I refuse to worry. I'm going to be relaxing with my man and making the most of my short period of time with him.

EEK!

You are a cinema, I could watch you forever

Last night Jacks and I had a slumber party filled with pizza, choco molten cake and Beaches. Around 11:30pm I checked my Facebook and I see ↓ this ↓ picture posted to my page by his mother.

I had a moment. I  needed that moment. I swore to Jackie that I'm gonna fuck this man up when I see him next month. He looks sooooo good. I can't even handle it. I've reposted it twice and I've printed two copies of it. I feel so blessed. I booked my flight and car rental on Thursday. All that's left is booking the hotel and actually going!

♥ ::sigh:: ♥

Nineteen Seconds

He called me at 2:47pm and we literally spoke for only nineteen seconds. He is officially at basic training and I could hear it was super busy in the background. He basically told me that he loves me, missing me, and that he is safe. We hung up and my eyes burned from the tears.

:'(

Annnnnnnnnnnnd....then I checked the mail and received a letter from him. :)

First Dance

I was at his house and I told him how I always loved this song. I told him when we get married I want this to be our first dance. It was late and kinda warm in his apartment. It was dark and there was only a glow from the TV. So, we turned on this song and we danced. I will forever remember that moment.

I can't wait to do that same dance in front of our loved ones.

Today I got not one but two letters from him. It's so high school/locked up I love it. He wrote me how he was feeling about us and I felt as if we connected more than ever. This shit's legit.

Sam the Ranch Hand

There he is, in all his glory. Sam hitch hiked to Idaho after his father passed away. His mom took off with some piece of shit actor. Sam found a home at the Hamilton ranch. This was where he was supposed to be, and he knew it. :)

I love Finding Sky. Well, I loved it up to the part where Sky goes back to LA. When I saw this film for the first time, I fell in love with it. It's very coming of age. Sky's part was very believable. The best part was my beloved Sam De La Cruz. ♥le sigh♥

Frankie texted me today telling me that the break up with Johnny has been tough and was wondering how I was doing with Sergio being gone. So far, so good. He asked how I deal with the distance and what I do to keep my spirits high. I told him I think about Sergio all day. I look at pictures, I watch his YouTube videos and the goodbye video I took on my phone. I call and text him everyday telling him how much I care and how my day is going. I just stay positive.

I have the movie on right now, I think I'm kind of obsessed, but in a good non crazy way. My heart aches just thinking about him. I remember the day he wore the infamous plaid shirt. I was sitting in the living room and he walked into the room wearing the hat and buttoning up the shirt and he said "ahhh..I think I'll just wear this today." I squealed. Literally.

Just typing and hearing his voice on the TV is getting me choked up. Today is the first day I'm feeling really sad. I told Jackie that try to protect my heart by not opening up completely about my feelings for him when I talk to other people. I guess that's where my "wall" shows. I mean, no one wants to get hurt. Maybe I subconsciously feel like if I don't "spill the beans" about how I truly feel for him, then it won't hurt as bad if things didn't work out with the both of us.

I want to let go and just embrace it. It's getting easier as the days go by. Tonight at pho, everyone was so supportive. They were telling me go with him in the name of love and everything else would just fall into place. It always does. Am I really gutsy enough to leave everything and everyone I know for that? To quit my job and lose my financial independence? In order to live on base I would have to marry him. We both want a wedding though. I am torn. I'm also getting ahead of myself. I suppose we can just revisit this in February of next year.

He's so handsome. I'm falling hard and fast. I want him. I need him. He feels like the one. I can imagine him being the father of my children. It's exciting and scary!

Pinche mosquito!