Bitter, party of one

No really, I'm ok. I think it just hit me right now, the reality of why Chris and I broke up. He wasn't an asshole at all about it, but just thinking what he actually said is really starting to sink in. The man admitted that he would not "chase" after me if we were to break up. Basically, I'm not worth fighting for. But he's in love with me. Oh, and he thinks I'm amazing...but...I'm not worthy of a pursuit. Hmm...

Looking back, I suppose I might have made things too easy. Or did I? I believe I was just being myself. Apparently nowadays that doesn't cut it. So let's go over the facts:

1. Carlos and I break up out of nowhere...August 2010
2. Chris and I meet the day after Christmas...December 2010
3. Chris and I break up because he's concerned that he won't want me if we were to hypothetically break up...June 2011

Well then, call me butter 'cause I'm on a roll. Shall I go for lucky #3 breakup by my one year anniversary of Carlos and I? {insert sarcasm}

This is small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. It stings. As a good friend told me over dinner and drinks last night, where there's one there's 500 behind him. It's true.

♥all.we.have.is.now♥

p.s. The following is why I ADORE my friends. I was venting moments ago to a friendly of mine and this was what she had to say:

He likes you when you’re there but if you weren’t there he wouldn’t seek you out because he doesn’t want to be that vulnerable to need you. Probably why he keeps it friendly and not emotionally deep.

Its not that you’re not worth going after. We have no literal amount of worth. We have individual estimations of worth. To him you are not as valuable to him as his freedom to do what he wants and be a fool. To someone else you are the moon and stars. You cant let his estimation of your worth skew your estimation of your worth.