Glasses!

I'm a cool kid.

Creepy Dream!

Yeah, so I'm trying not to look too deep into this one but...

Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant and like due. I went into labor and my family knew but I didn't know who the dad was and no one really asked. I didn't even look full term. And then it was like I started to bleed and my mom was like "it's ok" but it wasn't. I was seriously hemorrhaging! My tum didn't look that big, I dunno if that's because I was the same size I am in reality, either way I'm over weight but don't think I look pregs! Then I just started crying because I was so scared of labor and delivery. I was scared about how the kid would come out, who's it was and how I even got preggo. I got scared of the thought of pain. And I just kept bleeding!

I came into work and looked it up, dreammoods.com said something about me "giving birth"  to a new idea and it failing. To hell with that. I'm gonna chalk it up to the crap that I've been ingesting the past few weeks.

Speaking of...I gained 5 lbs. Meh.

Memory Lane-Las Tunas

Amazing. Sometimes my great memory kicks me in the ass. Like, when it comes to dates. Sometimes I think about people that used to be important to me and I try to think of their birthday or our anniversary...and then I can't remember. Instead of getting down on myself, it makes me happy because in that moment I recall how I told myself I would never forget such important dates. Then I think of specific dates that I wish I could already forget, and of course, I can't forget. The more I remind myself to forget to forget, the more I remember.

Jax and I visited with Gio tonight and we all talked about relationships. Reminded  me that as of today, I have known Chris for one year. He texted me Merry Christmas early in the day and I did sooooo good...until my drive home. Why did I take Las Tunas home while listening to sad Sia music?! Yeah, your guess is as good as mine. I pass 38 Degrees, Mama Petrillos, Rosemead Blvd. All I can think about is the Christmas I just spend single, our one year of knowing one another and how we shared a lot of memories in the short history of "us" on this street. Crazy how much can happen within 365 days. Each day brings it's own  great gifts. AH HA! That reminds me, I have to write about paying it forward and meeting Carole Cunningham-the owner of the beloved little red quote house off Colorado.

30 In 30

I've been inspired. Well, I am on a daily basis, but lately I've been so inspired that I've decided to take action and....make lists! My 30th bday is coming up soon and I'm going through big changes. I feel nothing but positivity and progression so this is good! I've decided I'm going to do (or con't to do) certain things (30 of them to be exact) in my 30th year of life. No, I haven't completed the list but that's ok I have time. Who knows, maybe it will end up being more than 30. Anyhow, this is what I have so far:

1. Continue to donate platelets and/or blood on a bi-weekly basis
2. Continue to volunteer
3. Take vacations....big, small, near, far, alone or with groups.
4. Get more massages
5. Read more
6. Finish at PCC by the end of 2012, if not before, so I can be at Pacific Oaks by Spring 2013
7. Save $$$
8. Learn to cook
9. Take more walks

These are all doable things, some I have started, others I plan to. And the list goes on....

Light At The End Of The Tunnel!

Yesterday I had a meeting with my counselor from Pacific Oaks. I brought in my unofficial transcripts from Citrus and PCC. I only have 5 more classes to complete and I will be ready for transfer!! I was over the moon! This morning I registered at PCC for Spring 2012. I'm taking three classes, I will have no life. Then I'll take my last two in Fall. So that means I will be at Pacific Oaks in Spring of 2013! I plan on going full time so I will be there five semesters. I will have my BA in Human Development in Fall of 2014. I'll only be 32 years old!! I am so excited to see the progress. It makes me want to push myself harder and further. I CAN do this!!

Because my sister is alumni, I am eligible for a $1000 scholarship plus another two $1000 scholarships based on my work experience and what not. I plan on busting my butt! I'm going to go there with as much free money as I possibly can. I feel so on track, so accomplished. Things are really coming together!

Check Yo' Ass!

Ok, this is my list that I shall look back upon when I'm not having a no good, horrible very bad day. When I read this list I'll remember how thankful I am to be me! It will make me feel whole, it will make the clouds part and it will remind me just how loved I am. Here we go...

1. You are worthy!
2. You are radiant and your beauty shines from the inside out!
3. You are stronger than you realize!
4. You are so thoughtful and kind hearted!
5. You have an amazing work ethic!
6. Your intelligence is growing everyday!
7. You are appreciated!
8. People love your sparkly personality!
9. You are needed and wanted!
10. Smile!

I was thinking about coming up with a list of affirmations. I will do this. I will include everything I not only want but will have. I will revisit the list a year (maybe two?) from when I originally compile it. I'm stoked. :)

Ironic

Flagpole
To see a flagpole in your dream represents a sense of stability in your life. You may find that those around you are ready to support in your whatever you do or decide.

Yeah, so my dream last night was alllll about Carlos...and flagpoles. Weird. So, as I've stated before we broke up last year on August 5. I totally would've thought this year on that day I would be all reminiscent of him. Turns out I was lovesick over a man, but it was Chris and not Carlos. That really threw me through a loop and kinda made me even more bummed out with the thought that I had no one but two heartbreaks under my belt within one year. I got over it. Today is Chris's 29th birthday. The past few weeks I've been going back and forth about sending him a card, inviting him out or simply just texting him. I decided to IM him on Thursday wishing him a Happy Birthday. My work there was done. The winds blew out my power Wednesday night this week so I've been at my sisters. In a way, I wanted Sunday to come and go because I didn't know how I was going to feel. Last night I accompanied Jax to the Covina Christmas Parade. It was great, and cold! Everything seemed to remind me of Carlos. Old cars, men with hats or mustaches. I went home to my sister's and fell asleep. I had the most intense dream about Carlos. His ex was in it as well and I wanted answers. I told them both off, I did everything except hit her. He told me he just never got over her and he basically has always been deeply in love with her. For some reason I saw a flagpole in the dream. I woke up dazed, hurt and curious. So curious that I texted Carlos and asked that he really consider getting together to talk. I told him it was time for some answers. Of course, he hasn't answered back. He probably won't. Funny how life happens sometimes. Today I was nervous I'd be sad about Chris, and it turns out I was thinking about Carlos.

This is a thankful and blessed time of the year. Most of all, this is only right now.