GIVE GIVE GIVE!

Seriously, my heart and soul have been awakened. My spirit feels more alive than ever. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to give back. The holidays really made me realize all of this. I signed up to donate blood and platelets tomorrow at City of Hope. I will be doing this on a regular basis. I can donate platelets every two weeks and blood every 56 days. Licet and I are signed up to help gift wrap etc. on December 17th & 18th with the Foothill Unity Center. I just want to give back. It makes me feel so happy and excited to know I can take part in ANY good cause. This isn't going to just be for the holidays, I plan to continue this into the new year and beyond.

Thank you God for making me able bodied. It's my turn to give thanks and show my gratitude. I want to pass along the love and inspiration that has been given to me.

Give your all in everything you do.

'Tis The Season

My ♥ feels so full. I am so thankful. This long weekend was very much needed and appreciated. I have great friends, a supportive family and a giving heart. I'm  pretty  much done with all my shopping and wrapping. Christmas is in the air. I've received so much love, especially this weekend. My cup has runneth over. It's time to give back. It's not even that I just want to...I need to. I've decided to start donating blood on a regular basis. I believe I can donate every eight weeks. I'm also going to donate platelets and I'm contemplating bone marrow. This is free and probably the most selfish gift I could give anyone. What could possibly be better than saving a life?!

I met up for coffee with my friend Licet, she told me she is going to volunteer with another one of her friends to wrap gifts and what not for the needy. I told her I'm so in! I just am so anxious to give back. My life is changing and it's all for the positive. I'm so excited. I want to pass on the love!

My sister is planning her holiday housewarming. Long over due for sure. She needs this though. Jessica just moved in and they need each other so much. This is such a good thing, perfect timing.

So much to look forward to, so many things to be thankful for. I'm thankful most for all the things I don't have. I already possess everything I need. Thank someone today.

I Know

All of a sudden
Our worlds collide
With one look
Our eyes meet
For one moment
The Earth stands still
And I know...

Christmas Rose

My apartment smells so pretty! On Thursday I can home and decided to decorate. I had some supplies from last year and never got around to getting all festive in my apartment. Yesterday Jackie Boo and I went to the mall and stopped at the candle store. I got tow votive Christmas Rose candles. OH. MY. GAH! It smells soooo beautiful!

Twilight is on!! Jackie Boo and I also saw Breaking Dawn part one last night. We could hardly contain ourselves. The romance! The angst! The cheeeese! :)

I'm At A Crossroad, Not A Crisis

I feel like a puddle today. So uninspired. So unmotivated. I want to lay down and run at the same time. I always have that escape feeling when I'm sitting here at my desk, then the moment I get home I loaf. Mentally, I'm drained.

I got my test results back from my amazing new doctor...I'm ok! I had her do everything, like EVERYTHING. It's always nice to know I'm in good health. The only thing she noticed was that my vitamin D was low and she told me to start taking an over the counter supplement. That's funny. I literally need some sunshine in my life. I'm trying my best to stay optimistic through everything lately. I know, cry me a river. Things could always be worse, I am thankful for all I have. Today is just one of those days I just don't want to even think. I just want to be still and absorb my existence.

I went for a walk here at work, it was nice. The air is crisp and it felt good to not be shackled to my desk. My thoughts seem so scattered, I feel like I'm in a daze, almost like I'm confused. Mentally, there is a fork in the road and I'm deciding which path to take. I feel like sleeping. My appetite has changed and everything. I have to shake this. The holidays are coming up and I'd hate to be in a funk. I WILL decorate my apartment, even if its just a little bit and even if I don't have much longer there.

The clouds will part soon enough. All this will be crystal clear. I'll have my "ah-ha" moment and all will be well.

Happy Anniversary!

Just like this day last year, I woke up refreshed and positive. Even here at work someone simply wrote Be Positive on the dry erase board.

Four years. Today would've been four years with him. That's not the focus though. Today is about overcoming obstacles. Not looking back with remorse, but being thankful for that period in my life. My first annual party was great. It was the beginning of an era haha. This year I kept telling everyone that I wanted to do something blah blah but I never pieced it together. It is a school night, like, literally. So I sent out a mass email to all my lovebirds telling them to meet me up for a celebratory night cap. Even if I'm there alone, I'll drink my libation with pride. I am excited. Things are getting better. The seasons are our friend.

Cheers! Single STILL looks good on me!

Introspection

It's chilly! I have Tori Amos stuck on the brain. I was listening to Venus and some particular lyrics stuck out, made of you but not enough for you. I love the sound and look of that. I think we all feel that at least once in our lives. That feeling of giving so much that we lose ourselves. Lost in love. When we are in the thick of it it becomes overpowering, overwhelming and alluring. Then it ends, and we're left with resentment.

That's when we have to make the decision to see the truth of the matter. The truth is, you're worth more than that. Selflessness is good to a certain degree, but we should never give ourselves completely. It's not safe, no matter how "right" it feels. A part of me feels disgusted that I've given more than one person this power over me. I have such a strong personality and to think I've allowed that control become me. Ironically, I wouldn't change a thing.

Something is in the air, the mystery has me anxious. I think this one's worth the wait.

Sia - You've Changed

It was time for a change. My mind has been a whirlwind since Friday. Change is good. It's new, it's better and it's growth. "This Calls For A Blog!" has been renamed :) I was sitting here on my couch, relaxing and thinking about the week ahead and the words 'piece of mind, peace of heart' just came to me. I sat here and thought that I really liked the sound of that. It sounds short and sweet, just like me. Good things are coming. This work thing isn't the end of the world. If anything, it's opportunity knocking. Everything always works out, it's the growing pains that we must endure that make us feel so flustered. I've made a game plan, but just like anything else in life, things change. I'm ok with that though, I want to leave room for the pleasant unexpected surprises that the coming months are going to bring me.

What You Seek, Seeks You Too

I went to work today and was so happy it was Friday and payday. 11 o'clock was supposed to be our regularly scheduled group meeting...all the claims assistants were asked to meet in a different room for a quick meeting. Our office manager was in the conference room looking very stern. We all came in and sat down and then he started to read from a paper.

I went numb.

I was being laid off.

Some HR bizzo then entered the room with like 6 packages with "literature" for us to read. Basically, our positions are being moved to the Henderson and Charlotte offices effective March 5, 2012. Yeah, the day after my 30th birthday. We all have the option to relocate, same pay, same position and even a $2,500 relocation fee reimbursement.

I cried and excused myself to the restroom. I was hurt. I've never been laid off. I'm scared. I have bills and I hate having to depend on others. I gathered my composure and went back into the meeting. Our manager told us he understood if we wanted to go home for the day. Through my crackled voice and red, teary face I advised him I was done for the day. In another room was the rest of the office being read this same message about their claims assistants being let go.

I went upstairs and didn't make eye contact with anyone. I felt the sympathy, the stares and I heard the sniffles. I just left as fast as I could.

From the moment I got home, I started making phone calls to people in the "biz" that I know and I started my job hunt.

I've done all I could possibly do. I just felt so blindsided. My heart is at peace, this is a blessing in disguise. I'm a swimmer, no a sinker and work stuff has always worked out for me. If I stay until the last day I will get job assistance, unemployment and I will get a severance package: 2 weeks plus one weeks pay for each year I've completed. That will be 7 weeks of pay. As of this pay check I have accrued 4 weeks of vacation. I have no time planned off, so by March I should have at least another week. That means 3 months pay. I'm not worried about money though.

Ugh...I'm gonna allow myself to wallow today, and maybe a little on Monday when I go back into the office and people ask me the 101 questions they have. This is the beginning of something great, it has to. The bigger picture will unfold soon enough.

Thank you for letting me vent.

What Other People Think of You is None of Your Business...

I have a list of 24 "reminders" at my desk, and that is #18. This list consists of everyday quotes that are applicable to daily happenstances. It's true though, we shouldn't consume ourselves with what energy vampires opinions are of us. Also, I don't want to be one of those vampires. It's not nice and its hurtful.

Today this has really hit me. I went across the street with a co worker to get a burrito for breakfast and we were waiting for our food. Another woman walked up and was standing by us. Before long, my co worker and this woman started ripping into Jillian Barberie (whatever her name is) off the news (its was on.) They just went back and forth about how the camera made her ass look huge, how she looked trashy and how she shouldn't try to rock anything leopard print. A part of me wanted to chime in. Then, I just didn't. I kept my mouth shut.

We came back to the office and my cubbymates started talking about some random girl that used to work here. Again, I stopped myself from chiming in (even know I had a not so nice opinion of the ex co worker.) I actually felt bad. I don't want to be that person constantly trash talking. Sometimes we can't help it. I'm an outspoken person to begin with, so mostly everything I do say about anyone, I would say to their face. That's still not right though. It's my opinion and a lot of times its unwarranted. Who am I to throw stones? Exactly, nobody.

I am making it a point from this day forward to be more conscious of my words. The tongue is a sharp, powerful weapon and I'd much rather be speaking sweet nothings than being sour grapes about people and my opinions of them, their lifestyles etc.

Sweet November

November has always been one of those bittersweet months for me. Haha, thinking about it, anything in life somehow reminds me of a guy. My first November memory would have to be of Peter. Ahh...Peter. The golden child, he was a great first "real" boyfriend but sweet baby J did he ALWAYS remind me of it. Bless his soul.

Anyhow, he loved him some Guns n' Roses. His favorite song was November Rain. He would sing it and act out the video. All. The. Time. It was cute, and then it got old. Then I remember that Charlise Theron and Keanu Reeves movie came out. You guessed it, it was called Sweet November. It was cute, and said and sappy.

November is also the month that I met Carlos. November 9. This one would've been four years. C'est la vie! This month is also me and Natalie's friendship anniversary. Thanksgiving to be exact. How fitting.

I'm drawing a blank.